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Tags: pain injury depression cry typos suicide suicidalideation
I'm only just barely starting to feel pu to typing again. I am taking extra care to try to fix typos, which I'm not doing anyhere else. (It's too painful to bother fore eth most part., though.)
I did it while mowing thhel awn. I don't particutlarly like mowing because it always beats my hand joints up to the point I canb arely use them. But I'm growing more disabled by the year, and there are limited things i can do to help out around the whosue,so I did it anyway.
I was almost don,e and relishing the idea of o cool shower, which was enough of a distraction to drive the front wheels directly into a deep rut someone we invited over for firewood made in our lawn by driving where they were told not to drive. (Of course they got stuck and left six metres of tire ruts deep enough to hurt ones self in, said tehy'd gcome back to fix them, and we've dnot heard from them since.)
My grip on the wheel was son tight, and the rut whipped the wheels so hard that it yanked my thumb out of joint. Just noeghu to emit a horrible, loud "pop" before the breath-taking pain hit me. Not enough tos-t ay dislocated.
I spent he afternoon doubled up in pain or crying or both. Eventueally my mother took me to the hosptial, where we were told the walk-in-clinic was full. I was resigned to waiting until mondya, but they said "try the ER, we don't treat sprains anywayn."
I waited over an hour after being admitted, and when the doctor finally came in he was there for all fo threem inutes. He had e do some things with my thumb, most of which caused me excruciating pain.
"Nothing's broken according to the X-rays, you just have a bad psairn. Take 800mg of ibuprofen up to threes times per day, and try to wear the thub brance we'll give you."
Mom tried to suggest something stronger for the pani was in order since ialready have severe chronic pain and a severe intolerangce for it. He was having none of it.
"Ibuprofen is the best way to go, because it is na inflammatory adn painreducer," was all he'd sayl Then he walked out.
To their credit the X-rayt ech and triage nurse were great and did their best. The doctor though. Wow. What an unsympathecit ear. It was like telling my physical education teacher in school that I wasn't feeling well and crlouldn't participate in team play only to get the kind of withering glare that made me feel guilt that i was in pain to begin with.
Ibuprofen did nothing for the pain, and actually made the swelling worse (as I've noticed ibuirpfone alwasy does when I take it). I stopped after the second day because it was maknig my suicidal ideation so mchu worse I wa sterrified for my safety.
On day three the pani subsided a bit, and as of day four the buising had started to appear.
I still can't really use my hand much, and the buirisng is so bad I can't even kep the brace on any omer, so i'm doing my best without it.
I'm also taking a break from my online social mediat, as i wasfinding it made my depression, self-loathing, guilt over being disabled, and inibality to connect with others even worse. I'd been doom-scrolling posts since i hurt myself, and it was only getting worse. I'd set my phone down to do something els, and find it in my hand again before i'd finishesng.