Tags: anxiety life-changes work
Soooo. I kind of got laid off a couple weeks ago.
I didn't mention it, cus in the grand scheme of things it wasn't that big of a thing? But I'm starting to process it a bit now, and I'm starting to have feelings about it.
For one, I am the one that instigated it. I mean, not directly. I didn't ask to be laid off. Not in so many words.
I wrote an email and basically said: "look, you're asking me to work the phones, and because I'm a push-over I have been doing it for years. I have reminded my boss multiple times, however, I am not capable of doing phones for long periods because it's hard on my mental health. Can we do something about this?"
A week later, after I was starting to wonder why I was barely getting any email, I'm called for and I'm staring at my boss and the CEO's wife who are looking very serious and telling me, "this isn't about you being trans, this is about not being able to use the phone".
Okay, great. I believe you. This is about me not being able to use the phone. Something that isn't even in my job description.
And yet this seemingly wasn't even a problem until after I come out? Huh...
As far as I could tell, my direct co-workers were fine with me being transgender. I hadn't even considered that they would think it was a good idea to lay me off for that, let alone a phobia I can't control. (One generally directly attributable to autism or serious anxiety disorders, no less. Hello discrimination.)
And yet, that's where I find myself.
I have a nest-egg cus I'm fairly okay at managing money, but finding a new job? That's going to be a challenge. I may have to relocate to find anything.
And yeah, I have my GRS savings, so that's a buffer. Or I could try to get all that electrolysis, recovery, and other fun stuff taken care of before I have to actually start working again... Or use it for silly things like food and housing, I don't know.
It's so much more of a struggle when one realises her choices actually matter... and that even when I making the correct ones for myself, for the first time in my life, for all the correct reasons, that doesn't mean things are going to work out any better. Or even happily.