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31: Happy New Year!~

2017-12-31 18:56

Tags: happy holidays joy trans hopeful autism neurodiverse

I probably won't stay up because midnight feels ages away, even this early, but I'm glad 2017 is ending. While it was a great year for me on a personal growth level, it was also a terrible one in myriad other ways.

Much of the week I have been pondering New Years resolutions and the tendency many people have to make them blithely, never intending to keep them. I don't do this any more.

Mostly because of the one I made myself a few decades ago that if I would transition by the time I was 40 at the very latest. (There was more to it involving suicide, but I won't get into that.)

I'm not sure I would have gotten where I am right now without goading myself into action with that silly New Years Eve promise I made to myself all those decades ago. I have known I was trans for so long, and yet it wasn't until I realized my deadline was fast approaching that I started moving. Slowly, even plodding, at times perhaps. But doing something. And most of those things were new. And some of them were scary.

And they still are, even now. And things are hard. Oh my gosh, are they! But they're better. They're hard in the kind of way that means you know what you're doing is "the right thing".

I don't know what all everyone else is resolving to for themselves this year, but for me, 2018's theme is, "do the right thing". In my case that means I'm doing the right thing for me. I've spent my entire life putting my own needs off to keep others comfortable, or avoid exposing them to new ideas. I'm through with that kind of thinking. It isn't my responsibility to bear anyone's comfort on my own back.

If you're questioning your gender, try some simple things.

Try shaving. Everywhere that's comfortable. Stop shaving. Let it grow out.

Get a wig or binder. Cut your hair, or grow it out.

If you have questions you can't answer yourself, get help: therapy is almost always available on a sliding scale. There are web forums on many popular sites.

Most of all, please. Don't give up.

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