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01: Strange firsts as a trans woman

2017-12-01 13:26

Tags: amazing awesome passing trans weird

This has been a curious week. I have:

The Post Office thing was actually less spectacular than I make it out to be. My mother and I went into town for a few errands, and we stopped at the post office first to exchange our many pick-up slips for parcels. Turned out there were three packages waiting for us to collect them. As mom had finally started to pick them up the nice lady said, "you girls have a nice day!"

I'd been having a crummy day up until that point, and under no delusions that I pass at all, so I was understandably happy.

The health food store was a bit less implied, and more direct. In fact, it was dead obvious. As we came in there was a young-ish man, probably mid twenties or early thirties sweeping up while the proprietor puttered around. The youth greeted us in an unusually pleasant manner, I noticed. As I made eye contact with him, his smile got a few clicks wider, so I smiled back. My first thought was, "okay, is this guy weird or what?" Yet I smiled nonetheless, because that's what one does if they want to seem normal.

Mom chose the products she wished to purchase, and we made our way back to the counter. Me walking as precisely and carefully as possible, as I felt inordinately nervous and wasn't sure why.

The man set his broom down so he could check us through, and I noticed he was mostly looking at me, not his customer, my mother. I didn't say anything, because it seemed strange and uncomfortable, so I looked around and pretended to be bored instead. As mom payed I glanced around idly, and flicked my gaze to the guy once. He was still looking at me.

Finally, the transaction complete, he addressed her directly to ask if she wished a bag. She declined respectfully, and shouldered her purse once more, gathering her purchases into her arms.

The kid said, "have a great day, now!" looking directly at me, smiling so wide I almost screamed at his blithe obviousness of his with which he seemed to be entirely unaware. I managed a slightly wider smile of my own, which hopefully did not look too much like the grimace of anxiety it felt like.

As we finally got outside and far enough away from the front of the store, my mother slowed down and said very seriously (but incredulously), "Clover, Clover, was that man flirting with you?"

"Yes," I said as matter of factly as I could. "He definitely was. Did you notice how he barely--"

"Barely looked at me the entire time I was paying? Yeah, I did. He was into you!"

I laughed, and got into the car. "I guess the joke's on him." I am not particularly into guys.

I still don't know what exactly did it, unfortunately. I have not put in much effort today, and that's being kind.

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