Okay, well, this day has broken expectations and turned out really well.
My car has been making inordinately loud, and obnoxious grinding noises that are obviously somewhat dependent on the engine RPMs. Generally this is a pretty bad sign, in my experience. Because of this, and the fact that the noise has been growing louder each time I drive, I took my dad's car to work today, which was a somewhat stressful way to begin. It's really similar to my car, but me being me, I fishtailed going onto the freeway on ramp, and scared myself a tad. Until I set the cruise control, turned up the stereo, and snickered about it, that is.
I had a doctor's appointment around noon, which was pushed to 13:00. While I had extra time, and nothing immediately pressing, I printed off my "coming out at work email draft". I did this as carefully as I could, mind you. I first went to ensure nothing already printed was going to be waiting, drawing co-workers to the same place I would be. There was one sheet, and I knew who it belonged to, so I took it to him before printing my single page. After that it was a simple matter to go and ask the CEO's wife if she had a moment to talk to me in the conference room. (She's usually extremely busy, so believe me when I say I had been dreading this moment almost more than the coming out itself.)
Of course, my fears all turned out to be irrational and unfounded. She was beyond supportive and caring. She offered to help in any way she could. She complimented my complexion again for something like the third or forth time in two months. She even said she was no good at fashion (not really true from what I've seen!), but would be open to answering questions I had whenever I had them, which was both unexpected and extremely kind.
In the end, she read my note, said it was perfect, and that she would not change a thing. (I cribbed pretty heavily from one I saw on Reddit, I'll be honest (thanks, Kacey!)) She took it to let her husband know about the situation, as well as run the missive past him. That done (and the obligatory CEO-pops-by-to-say-good-luck trivialities were over), she offered to take the note to my direct boss (vice president) and not only alert him to what was going on, but also ensure he didn't have anything he needed to get out of the way before I sent it.
Through all of this I was sweating profusely, shaky, and so shell-shocked I still can't believe even hours later that I managed to actually do this all like a real adult. (I've been dreading it for a long, long time.) While I'm not officially out, at least the ball is rolling. Which honestly is more than I expected when I woke up today.
I had tentatively penned in the "send" date for my company-wide email to before Thankgiving holiday, and the cut-over for new name and pronouns for the Monday after, but it's possible HR will bounce this off the laywer(s) and find out what I already know, that there's little point in holding things up. I'd be just as happy to wait, but sooner would be nicer, still. My boss did come in really unhappy-looking to ask me if I had changed my name legally yet, and was relieved when I said both no, but that I knew he couldn't change anything on the payroll side, and I didn't care about it. (I did say I'd let him know when that changed, though. So now I have a new "scariest thing I still need to do". All these moving targets!)
Anyway, just as the work craziness was wrapping up I had to run partway across town to my doctor's. She agreed to trial me on more anti-anxiety medications with absolutely zero fuss. I had a list of candidates ready when I saw her, and she was completely fine with just starting at the top and working our way down. (With tangential RPG-like side-quests to investigate related drugs if needed along the way.)
This is really good, because the PMHNP (psychiatrist mental health nurse practitioner) I tried to contact still hasn't gotten back to me after over two days, so I'm going to assume she is less likely to do so as further time elapses. I had a second alternative as well, but if my current GP is fine with helping me out, I don't see much reason to worry about it. I mean, unless I want to tackle my phone PTSD issues, or approach my social anxiety in other manners. (Probably a good idea at some point.)
On the way home I stopped at the car dealership and hit up the parts counter for a new AC compressor idler pulley assembly (on the off chance that's what was wrong with my car). Stopped at the pharmacy I frequent for my new scrip, and waited 20 minutes or so while it was counted out. Finally, I headed for home several hours later than I usually would have.
The part turned out not to be what was bad, so I'll probably be springing for something like two grand for a new AC compressor (including friction clutch, condenser, drier, refrigerant and labour. Fun). Dad dropped the AC belt off for now, so I can at least drive without worrying something is going to get hot enough to catch fire, or melt, which is comforting. I think I can live without air conditioning in nearly freezing weather for a while, at least.
I also started my Celexa scrip before dinner, so that's underway also. Exciting and scary, given how blasted awful Lexapro was on my system. (My parents almost took me to Emergency because my blood pressure doubled, I was so shaky I had trouble caring for myself, and I was having such severe anxiety attacks that I spent most of my time laying down, crying. The last one where I collapsed on the dining room floor sobbing so forcefully my parents discussed calling an ambulance was not something I care to repeat, oddly enough.)
Given I've had one of the roughest days since before I started HRT, and used every spoon I'm likely to have for this whole week, I'm in good spirits. Hopefully this is a continuing trend. :3